I Don't Even Know Anymore

Why do you do this to yourself?
You have a good job
A family
And yet you sit there depressed ruining your life.
There's no more words left to say.
You have to fix yourself.
Make yourself better, stronger
I don't know how you came to be this way.
I thought maybe me being here would change things
But I was wrong.
I was oblivious before
But now I'm a front and center witness to your own destruction.
I don't know how to talk to you
To get through to you
Because I don't even know if you're still there.
You look like you
You talk like you
But you say things we want to hear.
You've already been sent away to make yourself better.
Do you want to go back?
Or worse...
I can't even think about it.
You're my brother.
My little brother.
What happened to make you like this?
If I was around more
If you could talk to me
All those years ago
If I wasn't so oblivious to my surroundings
Would things be different?
Maybe so.
I can't blame myself though.
I'm here now.
Have been for years.
Though I was miles away
I answered when you called
Spoke to mom and dad constantly about what was going on.
I couldn't do anything then
I can't do anything now.
I feel so hopeless
And yet, you must feel that way too.
But I still don't understand why.
Why do you do the things you do?
We all love you.
I know you know that.
I hope you know that.
We don't know what else to say
Or do
To fix the situation.
Talking to you is like talking to a brick wall.
You say you understand
Then you go and do something totally different.
I wish I could talk to you
I wish I could make things better.
But only you can do that.
I love you.
Good Night.

CROCHET - The gift that keeps on giving

So, I've been doing a lot of crocheting the past few months and have added some cool new things to my growing list of what I can and can not crochet - I've come to find out that I can do just about anything. I usually use a picture to get me started and then once I have the basic measurements of what size the hat is I just go from there. I usually use the same pattern for every hat (just tweaking the size for babies, kids and adults). But sometimes I use a pattern if the design calls for something extra, like the cool shark hat I made for my little cousin. I didn't follow the pattern to a T, but I followed it pretty closely especially for the shark fin. I used whatever buttons I had lying around for the eyes, and seriously the teeth are so awesome!!! You can use that for a dinosaur or any type of animal - really excited about that!! But anyways, this is a really cool hat and I think my cousin is going to thoroughly enjoy it and be the talk of the town.

I'm also really into ear warmers. I made a couple before and they are really simple. I usually do 18 stitches across and 43 stitches long - that fits my head. I usually add flowers or bows to it but I figured out how to make the earwarmer itself look like a bow - see below. Just pinch in the middle at the seam and wrap w/ excess yarn and now you have a bow earwarmer! Piece of cake!! I made this one for my cousin but I'm going to definitely have to make one for myself. I have a hard time making things for other people because once I make it for them, I want one for myself, too. Oh well, at least I know how to make it. :) I just have way too many projects to make anything for myself right now.

 I also made these boot slippers for my cousin. I've been making slippers for a while. But these are my first pair of boot slippers. I think they came out really cute - she picked out the colors - and I added some buttons to the sides to make them pop! She said she LOVED them! :)

 This is a cowl scarf. I should probably add a picture of it being worn, but I didn't take any - I'll get on that though. This scarf is in the Hufflepuff colors - or Bruins colors. I'm making one for each of my Harry Potter friends based on where they were sorted in Pottermore. Hufflepuff for Alley, Theresa and I. Gryffindor for Mikey and Casey. Slytherin for Derek and Jenn. No one got into Ravenclaw, but oh well, no one cool was in Ravenclaw except for Luna anyways. :)

 And this owl hat is for my neice Hudson. I'm really excited to be able to give it to her finally, considering I said I would make her one when she was just born and that did not work out so well - I was slacking on the crocheting last year, this year I'm getting pretty awesome at it and I'm sticking to it.

I'm really excited about Christmas this year. I've been doing a lot of crocheting because I think handmade gifts are AWESOME!! And my friend is pregnant with her first child so I'm working on my first blanket - kind of nervous about that, but it's alright. I'm also doing some other handmade gifts for my friends considering I miss them tons since I've moved away from them - writing a cute friendship quote on a mug and making dolls for my nieces and future niece. This is going to be one great handcrafted Christmas. I promise to post pics of all finished items. Adios for now amigos, time to get some sleep. xoxo